The last meal

I feel as though I am preparing for weightloss surgery once again. I had gastric bypass in December 2010. I was in my junior year of college, 21 years old … and the reasons I had come up with to have it were mostly shallow and vain. I longed to have what I witnessed happening all around me … romance, travel, children. When really I just wanted to see how life in the skinny actually felt. I thought it would greatly improve my chances at life, relationships, a career. The first year was AWESOME! I was hot sh*& and I believed every minute of it. I filled a void with alcohol and men and was completely wreckless in my living.

Fast forward to fall 2014. At this point I had been married for a year and a half. I had been a mom for 6 months and while I loved love every minute of it … I so wanted my body back! I wanted my identity back aside from wife and mother. I decided to go back to work. That ended up not going as planned.

Now, December 30, 2016, I find myself in the same battle of identity. Trust me when I say there are more days than I would like to admit that I let my mind wander and imagine my life with me as my only responsibility. Those thoughts come to a screeching halt and I enter back into reality with my needy¬†2 year old in the back seat asking for another drink, fruit snack and the McDonald’s toy she dropped down the door..

Let me get back to this last meal feeling… lately, I have observed many fellow moms in similar situations of identity crisis! This crisis in my life is about to be extremely adverted! I am a planner. Well more like a “write things down, to do list, list maker.” So my lists have been made. I will be preparing tomorrow night and Sunday afternoon my vitamins and protein shakes for the coming week. I will be following the BOT plan¬†from and using the 21 day fix exercise program.

Tomorrow, however, I will celebrate the end of 2016 with a BAMA tailgate party at my mom’s! I will definitely eat things I am not supposed to eat and drink things I am not supposed to drink. I will indulge. My body still uses my WLS tool and will tell me when I have overdone it, but it certainly isn’t like the first days and weeks after surgery. I am looking forward to my last meal but am also looking forward to getting my pre-wedding pre-mom bod back and being the healthiest I can be for me, my husband, and daughter.

Happy New Year’s Eve eve!